Yellow roses
by creepweirdoloser
Summary: Roy had somewhere between forgotten that even the most beautiful roses had thorns." Roy/Ed


**A/N: **I was thinking 'bout roses somehow… And then I thought about Roy and Ed. And then I thought about mixing roses, Roy and Ed and: here we are! I can say that I really didn't stop to think when I wrote this. I wrote just whatever came into my mind. I was also quite surprised how angsty this turned out to be… I'm pretty satisfied with this also. Was that all? Yea, pretty much… Enjoy!****

**Yellow roses****  
**  
There were hundreds of them… No, thousands of them. Sometimes just watching them was too much. Sometimes they seemed so bright that it hurt Roy's eyes and he just had to look away. "Most of them are dying… You should take more care of them", Riza told once again as she looked at Roy's garden. Roy hold one yellow rose in his palm and it fell down gently. _Just from one touch…_ That was a perfect example of what happened when Roy lost his self control. His garden was full of yellow roses. First there had been just few roses, and then Roy wanted to have a little more… and more. He could never get enough of something that he found beautiful. He needed to have more, so much more until he was choking himself from all the beauty. He found out that because of him, all that beauty just faded away. It made him angry and upset and once he had nearly burnt the whole garden, every single rose. He had almost destroyed everything, just like he had done with… with _him._  
Yes, yellow roses… Roy had almost found it a bit ironic when he realized that perhaps there was a good reason why he had suddenly became obsessed with roses. Especially yellow ones. They reminded Roy of… him – no, they reminded Roy of _Ed_, he had got to learn to think about that name, to say that name out loud. But it _hurt _to even think about that name, because when Roy gave _him_ a name, he wasn't just some person, he wasn't just anyone, he was _Ed, Edward Elric_, the only person on the world that Roy wanted. That Roy needed. That Roy had once had. That Roy had… lost.

Roy was in his garden, cutting the roses. He had heard that it was necessary, that by doing that, the roses would do great. _To cut them off, by his own hands… Then they would be better_. Roy touched gently one of the roses, its almost golden petals. _Ed's golden hair. That burning in his eyes. That smile he was smiling when he was happy… The one that made Roy feel like he had found his home – in Ed.  
_Roy grabbed the rose from its rod and hold it tightly. _He never wanted to let go… He wanted to hold onto Ed as tightly, so tightly, too tightly…_ Roy watched as blood was running down his palms. He did not feel a thing. Not anymore. Roy had somewhere between forgotten that even the most beautiful roses had thorns. And those thorns were the ones that had drilled a hole into Roy's chest. Roy looked around in his garden. This was it; this was he – trying to fill up that hole. Trying to lose himself so he didn't have to think about anything at all.

_What a fool have I been_, Roy thought and started to laugh. And he laughed until his heart felt heavy and until he felt empty inside. Because he had realized and this, every single yellow rose around his _was_ Ed, _was_ his memories, his feelings. Every single touch, every single word, every single time Roy found himself loving Ed more and more. It was around him, it was living in his garden. And into those memories Roy had lost himself. Into those memories Roy wanted to drown so that he didn't have to open his eyes ever again – only to realize that Ed –_ his_ Ed, was gone. That Roy had lost the one thing – the one person in his life that had been more important than anything or anyone could ever be. More important than Roy's life could ever be. And without Ed, there was nothing left of Roy. Only those yellow roses which were dying into Roy's palms as well. And without Ed, there was nothing at all. Nothing for Roy. And with Ed, he had learned to love himself, love his life, learnt to be thankful of every little moment there was. And now that Ed was gone, everything he had brought with him was gone too.

It was the first time that Roy felt himself completely calm _without_ Ed. Because for the first time he knew what to do, what he had to do. He burnt it all away. He was standing in the middle of the garden, letting those roses surround him, and when the flames came closer, he was smiling. The roses looked like they were bending towards Roy, as if trying to find comfort in him. And Roy was gently stroking the petals, and he was holding that one rose which had bruised his palm with its thorns. Roy wanted to keep it close to himself, he didn't mind about the thorns anymore. _He wanted to keep everything, even the thorns; he wanted to keep all of it._ Roy burnt it all away. Roy burnt himself away. And finally, after all those years he felt that aching misery settle down, letting him close his eyes to see Ed's golden hair, the burning in his eyes, the smile he was smiling when he was happy. The one that made Roy feel like he had found his home – in Ed. That he was home.


End file.
